im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
