did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
