i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
