I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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