I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
