I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
