He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
