the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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