He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
