I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
