haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
