yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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