everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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