I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
