He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
