get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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