so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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