I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
