I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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