Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
