There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
