Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
