If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
