Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
