nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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