you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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