After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
