Non-Jews are for practice
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
