guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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