I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
