my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
