Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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