My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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