I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
