all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
