He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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