Where is the hickey?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
