my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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