I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
