well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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