Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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