Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
