watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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