Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
