let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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