y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
