she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
