his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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