38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
