you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
