i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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