dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
