you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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