Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
