I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
