One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'd cum for enchiladas.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
