I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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