thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
