We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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