If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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