Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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