Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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