i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
