Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
