I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
