Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
