We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
