My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
