Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
